I came across this forward which describes two roles in every family.
The Satellite Child: accomplished, distant, and supplying resources.
The Cane Child — enduring the burden until they finally yield.
Indians have developed successful careers globally, initially due to limited opportunities in India and now due to increased global mobility. However, this has created challenges which are perhaps not very well understood. As your parents get older, they need a lot more support (especially emotionally).
The satellite child is always concerned about family etc. and more often than not is always supportive financially. There is of course the odd visit if the person is local or once a year on holiday (sometimes with their own kids in tow). The parent(s) looks forward to these visits and of course the calls now that calling is virtually free. This situation works well for healthy, united parents, but it drastically shifts with a single parent.
The cane child is often around, driven by necessity and a feeling of love or duty. Living with a healthy parent can bring challenging expectations and stress for the family. There's even a whole TV industry focused on these family dynamics. However, when the parent becomes infirm, the child has to transform into a caregiver, the situation becomes increasingly challenging. You need to manage your relationship with your parents as a child, wishing your own children grow into independent adults.
As a parent, who cares about all their children, it becomes difficult to manage their own emotions. Disagreements between children strain the parent further, on top of managing their own life. A lifetime of memories and love isn't enough to handle daily challenges. Wealthy parents or those with supportive children are in a better position, but they still face emotional challenges.
These are issues that dont go away nor do they have easy solutions. Every context requires understanding and empathy, which is a challenge. Women generally handle these challenges well, but men often struggle to find the balance between being firm (like with a parent refusing medication) and being compassionate, as they view situations in black and white.
As a satellite child, you may face limitations, but don't let that stop you from pushing yourself and avoiding regrets in the future. A cane child needs to ensure that they do not bend as it would be counterproductive for both themselves and the parent. Breaks and holidays, outings etc. can help but at the core, is the strength to deal with the situation emotionally.
Whether you are a cane or satellite child, you will eventually have the same challenge as your parents. There's an old saying: "What goes around comes around." Take care.
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