I was once asked to raise a toast at a colleague’s wedding many moons ago. Though I am not tongue tied, public presentations are not my forte. I prepared for it and could remember the speech, but I made two mistakes: the mic was not close to my mouth, so my voice came across poorly and my punchline fell flat, and I did not have back-up. (I am still friends with the couple, mind you). My younger daughter once insisted that only her mother accompany her on a speech to be done by a parent. As luck would have it, my wife was unwell that day and I had to step in, which I did well. (though my daughter said, mum would have been better)
At my wedding reception, another colleague literally toasted my wife’s good qualities and roasted me (pointing out my sour demeanour, poor interpersonal skills, and so on) My family did not know where to look and I told them it was just a soundbite to get attention. (Again, I was in touch with the toast master, until he passed away a couple of years ago)
I recently read a eulogy of a colleague on LinkedIn, and I quote it in substance without identifying the names. “Though I did not have the privilege of working with X/Y directly, his/her presence and influence resonated throughout the organisation. S/he was a visionary leader - deeply respected, widely admired, and unwavering in his/her commitment to purpose-driven innovation” The person’s absence will be greatly felt, and the person will be missed.
All the above sounds good and nice, but one wonders, how can you write/speak about someone you did not know. Is there a corporate guideline which comes into play when someone dies. Isn’t there more to a person’s life than leadership competencies. There is not even a hint of empathy or understanding of the person in the note.
Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Effective people urges people to write your own eulogy. When you write your own eulogy, it is like doing a self-appraisal, and you tend to be honest. Even then, the eulogy is only for us, since you will not be able to hear it in the afterlife (I am not sure about the afterlife though). When someone dies suddenly, they do not possibly cannot make course corrections. However, most of us have an opportunity to move forward and lighten the burden. It is hard…. given our ego, and most of us will also get eulogies which will be true (only nice things are said typically) but may not be what we wanted it to be.
We all ruminate how life has treated us. Take a pause, be grateful and see how you want to treat life. Thoughts and feedback welcome as usual.
Share this post