At different stages in life, we go through cycles of joy, pain, suffering, depression etc. Sometimes this can happen in a day or a week, or can last months and years. More often than not, it is a function of our response to the environment itself. Let's say you studied hard for an exam and even though you did your best, the results were suboptimal by your own standards. You have 3 choices
- Be unhappy over the outcome,
- Stressed doing the studies/exams and complain about the system.
- Happy that you gave it your best shot.
A single instance can cause multiple emotions but eventually it will be you who determines what's best for you. An optimist keeps going, a pessimist thinks, and a practical/stoic person says it's just a part of life's puzzle.
However, there's another strange phenomenon that's happening more frequently than in the past. People set career goals and tend to achieve them as per their timelines or ahead of them. When you achieve a goal, you need to savour the moment, but quite often its another run for another goal (commonly called a rat race). So now you have everything you wanted ( Job, money, lifestyle etc.), but it is not making you happy. You are now worried about the next goal and at the same time worry about losing what you already have. It is a strange kind of emptiness when you know you have achieved your potential at that point in time but are still not happy with what you have achieved. Common symptoms include lack of focus, job search alternates, increased social media, weight gain etc..
So what's going on.... Firstly, I am not a fan of goal-driven behaviour. Milestones and goalposts are simply points of reference on your journey to success. I find that direction is more important than goals and goals in fact limit us. Wrong goals or poorly set goals can cause further disenchantment. Is there a way to fix this emptiness?
There are no easy answers, especially when friends/family are supportive but cannot get to the core of the issue. You can get a touch sensitive when the topic is raised and have your defences up all the time. Additional input or suggestions are off track. Here are some techniques which can help:
- Deep Breathing: Literally means taking a pause and not just a few deep breaths. Introspect and see what you have achieved / or failed to achieve. Have you done justice to your talent? Did you get enough support? Were you supportive etc.? Do remember that everyone has their own agenda including your family and friends.
- Distraction: I am not talking about social media here. When you are constantly focused on goals and achievement, you tend to miss the forest completely and find one tree at a time. Find something which gives you a different perspective e.g. social work, fitness etc. or a combination of activities, which in themselves are fulfilling but not goal driven. Fitness with a goal of losing weight is just a substitution for your other goals.
- Discover: Find the neural paths which cause the emptiness in you. If your car got dented, would you curse the guy who did it, fix it or just let it be. If your boss gave you a hard time on a project, do you think that you will get fired or would you rather look at it constructively and move forward. Find what causes the problem instead of managing the symptoms.
- Deliberate: The same word has two different meanings depending on the context. The first one is when you are thinking about something e.g. a lost cause, a great moment etc. and the second is the act of doing something. Whenever you come to a choice/fork, deliberate, there's no rush... but once decided move forward with passion. Don't waiver
During this challenging times, we have perhaps discovered more about ourselves than we would have wanted to. I know that I have lost my cool more often than I should have, cribbed about the limitations etc. However, I am grateful every day for being able to lead a full life and enjoy every moment whether I am waking up at 3 am to work or binge-watching TV for 4 hours. Whose tune do you wake up to ?
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