Personal identity is a dynamic and multifaceted construct that defines who we are and how others perceive us. It encompasses our roles, values, experiences, and the labels we acquire throughout life. At its core, identity is self-defined and shaped by external factors, evolving as we navigate different phases of existence. Reflecting on personal identity often raises profound questions: Who am I? How did I become this person? What defines me today?
Questions such as these recently surfaced during an encounter with college alumni. As co-authors, we both share a common alumnus (XLRI). After 35 years, the first thing they remembered was our participation in sports. “Do you still play football (Steve) or basketball (Ronnie)?” they asked, instantly evoking memories of our athleticism (two-thirds our body weight then) during those formative years. This interaction led us to ponder the evolution of identity and how various life stages imprint defining characteristics upon us.
At birth, identity is pre-assigned and bestowed upon us by our family and society. It starts with a name—a marker our parents chose that often reflects cultural, familial, or religious significance. This name becomes our first symbol of identity. Our family name, ‘Correa and D’Souza, ’ marks us out as Goans or Mangaloreans. Alongside it, other inherited elements—our religion (we are both Roman Catholics), socioeconomic background (middle class, working parents), and even geographic location (Big City boys)—begin to frame who we are. During infancy and early childhood, we are known primarily as someone’s child, living under the umbrella of our family’s identity. Our family acts as a bridge connecting us to society.
Entering school marks the next phase of identity formation. Suddenly, we are no longer just “so-and-so’s child” but individuals being evaluated on new criteria. Academic performance, behaviour, friendships, and even where we live contribute to our school persona. Teachers’ perceptions, peer groups, and extracurricular involvement further shape how we are known. Some students become “the smart one,” others “the troublemaker” or “the athlete.” What was a clan-like existence now gives way to an arena to showcase one’s strengths and fulfil one’s desires. The co-authors recall their fun in participating in school plays, debates, quizzes, and elocution, and their early leadership responsibility as House Prefects, once even school captain.
The residential locality we come from, our parents’ economic status, and how “presentable” we are also play significant roles. For many, the seeds of ambition, self-esteem, and social dynamics are planted in school. The labels we are given during these years often linger long after graduation, influencing how we see ourselves and how others remember us. This is also a time when mimicry and imitation is at its highest. We try desperately to fit in rather avoid ' sticking out’. I remember being influenced by peers as to what we should be reading and what movies we should be watching. As always, Cricket was a focal point of most of our conversations. While we rode on cycles to our school, we envied some who came in their pool cars. More recently, Gauranga Chattopadhyay wrote about ‘Purity and pollution’ as another basic assumption we hold deeply within our psyche.
College is a transitional stage where identity becomes more self-directed. Freed from the constraints of school uniforms and regimented schedules, students experiment with fashion, speech, and behaviour. Dressing well or uniquely becomes a mode of expression, as does participation in sports, arts, and social activities. For both co-authors, sports were the hallmark during this phase. Being active on the field shaped how others saw me and how I perceived myself. For another co-author, this was also a phase of initiating entry to smoking and music.
This stage is also when academic performance begins to intertwine with career aspirations. Whether you’re a stellar student or someone “just scraping by” on GPA scores, these identities can influence the trajectory of your professional life. Social connections formed in college—coworkers, mentors, and even rivals—can leave lasting impressions that resurface decades later, as my alumni reunion demonstrated.
As we transition into the workforce, new dimensions of identity emerge. Professional labels—our job title, industry, and even the organisation we work for—start to dominate how others perceive us. “Where do you work?” and “What do you do?” become ubiquitous questions that anchor social and professional interactions.
At this stage, our identity also expands to include personal relationships. Many take on roles like spouse, parent, or caregiver, adding layers of responsibility and emotional depth. These roles often bring fulfilment but can blur the lines between self-identity and relational identity.
As we progress through life and gain independence from financial or societal constraints, identity shifts again. For many, midlife is a time of reflection: Who am I beyond my career or family roles? What legacy am I building? How do I want to spend the remaining years of my life?
This present stage for both co-authors ,often prompts a deeper search for meaning. Some turn to hobbies or passions they once neglected. Others delve into social service, creative pursuits, or spirituality. For a few, identity becomes untethered from external validation altogether, focusing instead on inner fulfilment. It is here that existential questions about purpose and contribution take centre stage.
Throughout life, identity is both a constant and a variable. New experiences add layers at each stage, while some old aspects fade. What remains constant is the human desire to belong and to be seen for who we truly are. Yet, reconciling these external perceptions with our internal reality can be challenging.
For instance, my identity as a sports enthusiast was crystallized in college and remains a touchpoint for those who knew me then. But today, that aspect of my life is more of a fond memory than an active pursuit. My current identity is shaped by different roles: consultant, coach, writer, and family member. These labels carry their own weight, but they, too, are subject to change.
Finding your core identity is an ongoing journey amid these layers of roles, labels, and societal expectations. At its heart lies the recognition that identity is not static. It is a mosaic of your past, present, and aspirations. It is shaped by the people you meet, the places you go, and your choices.
One way to uncover this core is through self-reflection. Ask yourself: What are my values? What brings me joy? How do I want to be remembered? These questions can help distil the essence of your identity from the myriad roles you play.
Ultimately, our identity is tied to our sense of purpose. Whether solving problems in your professional sphere, nurturing meaningful relationships, or contributing to a larger cause, purpose gives identity depth. It transforms “what you do” into “why you do it.”
The journey of personal identity is not about arriving at a fixed answer but embracing the fluidity of who you are. It is about honouring the past, living authentically in the present, and envisioning a future aligned with your values and purpose. As life evolves, so does identity—a dynamic interplay of external impressions and internal truths.
[1] Steve Correa is an Executive Coach and Author of The Indian Boss at Work, Thinking Global, Acting Indian
[2] Ronald D’Souza has Corporate and Consulting Experience and mentors new startup’s.
This article was first publised on medium on 21st Dec 2024.
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